Breaking glass and betrayal barriers

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Even though they don’t seem to be related, they are in my world. Let me tell you how.

 I believe Universal Energy sends us signs about the  unconscious worlds we carry within us. In other words, whats inside us is reflected in our outer events. As above, so below sort of thing.  This is just a theory right now. I will reserve the right to change my mind about this at a later time.

The phrase “glass ceilings” in business  is used to describe the barrier preventing people from being promoted to higher levels in corporations. These glass barriers are transparent to some degree.  Making it hard to see the barriers when you are looking through them, not even sure  if they are even there.  Breaking glass is symbolic of  (I believe) some invisible barrier being shattered and no longer a effective barrier.  In this particular instance glass is symbolic of a belief I have about betrayal. The glass is my early experience of betrayal and how it stands between me and a desire of mine.  The desire being having a deeply satisfying experience of loving relationships.  Lately (in the last month),  I have been breaking glass containers (two big ones). 

Childhood sexual abuse is  about  sexual violence,  aggression, hatred, perversions, abnormal behavior (although that can be hotly debated).  For my side, as a survivor, it is about shame, guilt, vulnerability, pain, isolation, impaired functioning and betrayal. Now my understand of exactly what was betrayed is enlarged.(Glass is broken) In the past I have thought of betrayal as something that only happens to adults in the context of romantic relationships or in some limited ways betrayals in business. 

My experiences as a child were not just little lies, or omissions, or hiding a piece of information. It was a  Betrayal with a big B. Lifetime implications of and profound impediments to a healthy happy life ~betrayal. Having consequences that I will not be able to get through.

 One of the ways my perpetrator forced me to protect him was what he said he would do to hurt my mom and my younger brothers and sisters. It was easy to believe, cause I knew what he was doing to me was hurting.  I couldn’t even imagine what he would do to them. So I would submit and not say anything.  I believed if I ever told he would do it. Here comes the consequences of his betrayal of his parental responsibilities, he used my love for them against me. It protected him for years, and it  made me afraid to love anyone, or tell of that love, or even love anything.  Even going as far as being  afraid to reveal to anyone,  what I love. My love for people who were in my everyday life was used against me to do something harmful to me. 

Now as to the insight that came from the breaking glass. My belief that loving will result in being betrayed has been changed from a glass ceiling into a wide open sky. This came to be by loving a fierce man.   He shows me how to love and not worry that it will be used against me. My freedom has only been increased through knowing him through the years. Even though I fought and resisted him in ways I don’t understand. His love has been sure and steady and looking out for me at important times of my life. He does want what is best for me according to me.

I have loved others.  Intensely. Passionately and for no reason at all. Not just romantically, but in friendships, working relationships, family relationships.  All kinds of love. What better way to live my life than learning the safety there can be in loving fully.

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One thought on “Breaking glass and betrayal barriers

  1. Lynn Obermoeller

    You have a unique way of piecing things together–viewing things from a different perspective, what a gift. Here’s to love in a safe, healthy way!

    Like

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