Mainly cause we keep so much of what we have experienced inside of us. And once any one starts having to keep something secret, it starts plugging up emotionally,until it blocks up just about everything. So we feel the blockage but don’t know if we want to start unblocking. We never know what is going to come out of us.
Being abused also is not over just as soon as the last violation is done. It impacts the rest of our lives. If we are not outright damaged so completely that we are locked out of the public view, then we still have some major mal functions that impact how we relate to others. We are created differently because we have been betrayed by the people who were supposed to love us and teach us how to be loved.
Emotionally our needs are different, more primal. Or maybe they just feel more intense. But the needs of safety and security are the most active in me. Consciously or not. For example, instead of liking to be admired by my friends and family members for anything simple like appearance, looking good, or being nice, I shun it. As best I can figure, it is because I was going to be hurt and harmed once the family abuser had me in his sights. I will probably never be comfortable being noticed. No matter how long I have tried to get comfortable. I took public speaking classes, I forced myself to learn to teach, I volunteered to give talks about various subjects just to overcome the aversion to personal attention. Finally, I have decided to just going to leave it alone. It might be what people call, making peace with myself.
I think because I will never feel safe in this world, I don’t trust easily. Okay, I hardly trust anyone. That is closer to the truth. The closer you are supposed to be (theoretically) in personal intimate relationships, the less I will be able to trust you. People often mistake my trained friendliness, both professional or socially, as being available for friendly intimate relationships. Its disappointing I know. But this is one of the consequences of allowing sexual abuse to continue in our world.
There is more to say on this like how I see myself as different than others. Not just in matters of attention. I hope to write more about this.